jennnnykins:

I am honestly scared for the year to end, but I hope the next year will be amazing too.

I know I have a whole year left, but it hasn’t hit me that I’ll be graduating next year. It just seems too unreal. Applying to colleges, leaving home, starting off in a new place again. Now that it’s creeping up slowly behind me, I don’t know how I’ll leave home. Home is where everything is, it’s where my family is. I know for sure I’ll be home sick for a while, missing every single one of my siblings, no matter how irritating they get. I’m really going to miss my family here. I don’t know what got me on this topic, but I know that I need to start taking things more seriously. I have one more year left of high school. One. That’s insane. I remember thinking back to my freshman year hoping senior year would come quick, and now that I’m halfway done with my junior year, I wish I was a freshmen again, not having to worry so much about the next part of my life. But I have a year to make the best out of everything.  

I think it’s time for me to hang up my jersey and basketball shoes for a while. I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t do basketball right now. It was a hard, long decision to make, probably the hardest I’ve ever had to make, but I came to that conclusion. I was contemplating the decision for so long. I honestly decided to go to try-outs because everyone was telling me to and so I thought “Hey, why not?” So I went all the three days and had the biggest workout ever. And finally on the last day, they were bringing people in to tell them if they made it or not and deep down, I was hoping they would say I didn’t make it just so I wouldn’t have to make the decision myself. I also wanted to make it though because I’d probably cry if I didn’t make it. But I did make it and when they told me that I did, the coaches even said so themselves that I wouldn’t get playing time. They told me, “To be honest Jess, you won’t get playing time, probably not for weeks.” And I replied with “I expected that.” But they said I gave the wrong answer and should have said “I was going to work my ass off and bump people off their spots.” But in all honestly, I didn’t want to work for my playing time nor did I want to honestly play this year for the school. But I didn’t want to have that regret of “What if I tried out”. And now that I have, I don’t want to play. It’s a crazy thing for me to say though. Because since I can remember, I’ve loved basketball. I’ll admit that I wasn’t the best player nor was I the most experienced, but I loved the sport. I loved being on the court and just forgetting everything. But ever since this year, I haven’t thought of basketball like that. Basketball now is more like if you’re good, then you get to brag about it and be ignorant about it. And if you weren’t as great as them, then you’d get talk behind your back. I always thought of basketball as something to take my mind off of my problems and things happening at home. But now I even think of basketball as a problem. It’s horrible. I never actually went to play basketball for fun anymore after. You can say it was the coaches or the players or even my motivation for it. Either way, I can’t play basketball the same anymore. It just gets to that point where you eat the same food for days, get sick of it and never eat it because of the many times you’ve already eaten. Or when you like a song so you listen to it so much to the point where it becomes annoying. That’s how I think of basketball like. If I keep on playing it and don’t even enjoy it anymore, I might grow into something I despise. I’ve gotten different opinions about the topic and how they would handle it if they were ever in my position, but in the end, I know that it’s only my decision to make. So now, I have to go to my “coaches” and tell them that I just can’t do basketball this year. It’s not like they’d actually need me anyways. It may sound pretty pessimistic, but it’s true. If things change, catch me on the court Senior year…maybe. Thanks for reading my rant if you’ve made it this far.  I love basketball and it will always be a great passion of mine, but I have to let it go for a while. 

Things have changed so much since freshmen year. It surprises me. There were many things I said I’d never do and things I said I’d never get over, but to my surprise, I did. I guess it shows how much I’ve grown since freshmen year. I made friends who I thought I’d never be friends with, and people who I thought I’d never drift away from. But it’s true when they say high school changes you. Fortunately for me, I changed for the better. 

So, I didn’t take any pictures with anyone on the last day cause I had to get my stupid book. -_- So I’ll just reflect on Sophomore year with other pictures. :D

Hello Junior year.