Let me take some time to talk about basketball. I’ve been playing basketball for what, 5 years? This year might be my 6th, might. All those years I’ve really enjoyed playing basketball. Just the thrill of being on the court, coming to practice, breaking a sweat, learning new moves, all that. But lately, I’ve been thinking if I really want to do basketball this year or just take a break from it all. Ever since summer ball, my joy for it was slowing fading away. Don’t get me wrong, I love playing basketball. But for the school? Who knows. I think I just need to take a break. But once I tell people I might not be playing this year, they tell me I need to because I’m too good and I shouldn’t give it up. But who ever said about giving it up? I think I just need a break from it all, just focus on my studies for now since in a year, I’ll be a Senior. I think this thought came up once I found out my original coaches were leaving the program, every single one of them. I don’t even know if they realized what they were doing to half the players who has been with them since day 1. It really killed me to know that the coaches who basically help me get to the point of where I am today weren’t going to be there to see me finish off with all the skills and techniques they’ve taught me in those 2 years. I remember going into summer ball thinking “I can’t wait for Varsity year.” Once I was there, I didn’t even get playing time at all, I was out of it most of the time at practice, I got lazy, I wasn’t motivated. I dreaded going to practice every single day and that’s not how I felt before. I actually enjoyed going. But ever since summer ball came up, things have changed. I’ve changed and my view on the sport. I’ve talked to many people about what I should do and got their input. It was pretty difficult to decide on what to do when they were telling me I was good and that I should just keep up and play for the school. I was hoping for some negativity at the most, but no. Conditioning and open gym have been opened for at least 2 weeks now, and I haven’t been to none of them since. It’s horrible. I want to go, but then I think about the people there too. They’re part of how I feel about the sport now. They sometimes make me not want to go play for the school and even play at all because of their negativity and arrogance. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but playing with them for so long gets under your skin for a while. I absolutely love playing basketball, but maybe my passion to play for the school is slowing dying. I might play for a league outside of school, maybe if I can honestly afford it. I don’t want to disappoint my family either. They’ve been there for me since the first day I decided to play. And even though they weren’t always supportive of me, they did let me play anyways and pay all the expenses. And I’m pretty sure from all those years, I’ve spent about 1,000 or so on just the gear, shoes, and spirit packs. I don’t want them thinking I did basketball for so long, to just quit now. But I’m not quitting, but of course, they won’t understand that. It really does kill me to say that I might not be playing this year because basketball is part of my identity. That’s all people know me about, they know how much I love it. But what happens once I give it up for a while? Who do I become then? This is probably one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. And it’s tearing me apart. If you’re reading this and made it to this point, I’m sorry for the rant. If you have any input or advice for me, feel free to ask me on anon or whatever. Much appreciated. Okay bye, thanks for reading if you really did read this. 

I wonder if people look at me and how I look now and think “Damn, she got cute.” Like how I do to the guys that are cute now….no? Okay……..

Omg, I’m so sad that Harry Potter is really about to end. All I see is Harry Potter related posts and it’s not helping. Always a Harry Potter fan. 

Ever get that feeling when you try to hold back your tears because you just don’t want to cry? But then someone comes over to you and asks what’s wrong. And from there, you just start to cry because of the question? I guess, it’s hard to hold in tears when they want to come out. But maybe that’s just me.