Deep breaths.

I went to bed thinking that the next day would be like any other day. But it wasn’t. It was around 7 in the morning when I got the news. My sister and little brother came in my room and asked me if I wanted to go to San Jose. And still half asleep, I wondered, why are they asking me to go to San Jose when they know I have powderpuff practice today. Then I saw my sister’s eyes puffed out and filled with tears. She then told me that my aunt had just passed away. At first I was in shock and wasn’t sure if I heard her correctly. Everything was just so surreal for me. We all got dressed and headed over to San Jose. I looked at my mom and tried to see how she was cooping with it and she seemed normal which was a surprise since my aunt and her were so close. When we got to my cousin’s house, everyone was just in a daze. My cousin was just sitting by herself when I got there and my other cousin was cleaning the house for guests while I couldn’t find my other cousin. I was in such a shock, I didn’t know what was happening. I never experienced a death in the family before, well one that was so close to home so I had no idea what to do or how to react. My aunt already had problems with her health for a while already but she just left so early and she was so young. I remember when she was admitted into the hospital like 3 years ago and my family would try to come every weekend to visit her and help my cousins out. I even remember the day when they let us go visit her in the ICU. She looked so helpless with tubes running through her face and arms. I felt like crying there but didn’t want to show any emotions. During that time, we tried to stay positive while the doctors said she wouldn’t make it, but she did, she did. And then on Saturday, she passed on peacefully in her sleep. No tubes or anything, which I’m glad for. If she had to leave, I’m glad she left without any complications. It makes me feel bad just thinking that I could have visited her just a little more. Those little pops in, I just wish I came by more often to visit her, not realizing how much longer she had. They let the whole family visit her body at the funeral home for 20 minutes at the current state she was in when 911 was called. Those 20 minutes were the longest. Nothing but silence filled the room. I heard sniffles here and there, tissues being picked up. I even felt myself cry. And then my cousin, which was my aunt’s oldest son, stood in front of his mom and just broke down. That’s what got me. I began crying and I couldn’t stop. I was hoping, just hoping that she’ll wake up, but she didn’t. I knew she was gone.

Hi auntie, I remember when you used to offer to buy me food all the time or even give me money for no reason at all. You were the quietest one of the bunch but you were always the nicest. I wish I came to visit you more than I did. I wish I could talk to you for one last time. I don’t know what to do really auntie but to pray that you’re up there free now. Your kids really miss you. I know your youngest one does. I wish my mom got to say goodbye to you too. I know that you guys were so close, best friends even. She loved you and she always will; all your sisters do, even grandma. We all miss you down here. Everyone in the family does. I hope you’re resting peacefully now and that you’re watching over the whole family. I will love you always Auntie Chhean. Please look after all of us, we need it. May you Rest in Peace finally. 

I’m such an emotional person. 

navk:

Don’t leave your past lying around for your present to trip on.

jalousie:

Hey America, I have a cute idea. At least sort out your health care system, hand gun violence, unemployment, public education, gay marriage, marijuana legislation and middle east conflict before you fuck around with the internet because lets face it, there are bigger issues in the world than someone uploading a photo with a musician in it.